I'm Never Gonna Turn back Towards You

2012-01-25T15:00:00.002+08:00

finally I officially closed the blog we used to share!

not gonna hold back anything that we used to

have anymore, cos it's stupid!

but I thank you for letting me have a group of

true friends who care for me!

though they always tease me about our past r/s from

time to time, but they are always supportive with my

decision for breaking up with you!

I really wanna thank God for this group of friends!

love you guys! muackies! especially their girlfriends!

though in the start we had alot of misunderstanding

but now we're very close and can share everything

under the sun! :D

not gonna dwell in the past anymore!

all the best, may God bless you (:

2012-01-19T18:25:00.003+08:00

seriously i was very happy going out but this

one person just have to fucking spoil it!

everytime have to spoil the mood like wtf!

still got the cheek to ask me when i not happy,

why i make papa so sad like wanna cry!

eh now i tell you la hor, your mouth also zak lak abit!

everything also think you right, dont want hear ppl say!

since you everytime and everything also right ma

then i diam only lor all you talk can think can already.

see only, i will diam only.

ever since the day before yesterday, i had enough already!

2012-01-17T10:37:00.002+08:00

Went for checkup at KKH yesterday.

The doc say I must have transplant to have higher

chance to recover fully from this as it's my second time

having cancer and my bone marrow's 'spoilt' due to the

cancer and treatment I have the previous cancer.

And the procedure would be more complicated as the

cord blood they found's not from any of my family member.

Also that cord blood is lesser in voloume.

And that it will take at least one year till I will fully regain

my immune system, and be able to return to school/work.

Worse I have to go for another operation to insert another port

in the middle at my chest. For the doc say when doing BMT

they need to give me alot of medication and one port is not enough.

Sigh, when I hear this I was really sad/scared, having the

need to undergo another op,which also mean another scar

which take a long time to heal.

The thought of having to go through all the pain again just scares me alot!

But on another way of thinking I would have marks which shows

that I had overcome this cancer!

So anyway despite having heard such shocking news I give thanks

to our Lord as I'm sure there is a purpose for me to go through

such hardship! Cos He will not let me bear what i cant! (:

Oh and yesterday night, I made cheesy baked mushroom!

Forget to take photo! Next time must remember take photo!

Recently I'm into cooking/baking out of a sudden.

So I guess I could make use of the time now to learn more about

cooking and baking and might go for classes when I recover!

P.s In case you are wondering what a port is, its something linked

to my vein under my skin. So everytime I'm being hospitalized

they will just find the port and insert the needle in!

keep em' good food coming!

2012-01-15T14:15:00.003+08:00

was doing research on recipe for baked rice just now and

saw this recipe for Scallops with Garlic Butter and Parmesan Cheese!

so gonna try it out one day! it's very simple to make!

10 – 12 Large Sea Scollops
2 TBSP. Butter
1 TBSP. Lemon Juice
3 Cloves Garlic, minced
1 TBSP. Parmesan Cheese, grated
Saute Scallops in the Butter over medium heat. When partially cooked, add in lemon juice and Parmesan cheese. Continue to saute until scallops are white in colour, but still soft. They will get tough if cooked too long, so be careful!
Goes nicely with rice pilaf or buttered noodles, or baked potato.

as a scallop lover, im so gonna try it out and share it with my friends if it's nice!<:

2012-01-14T19:34:00.003+08:00

Am excited! I read up some recipe just now and

decided that next week imma make some cookies!

Gonna make ChocolateMint Cookies!

One of my favorite cookies!

Have to thank my cousin Cherine for giving me her

oh-so-big oven since she's not using it anymore!

With this oven imma so gonna list down what I wanna try!

-Cookies

-Cakes

-Bake potatoes,those with oh-so-yummy cheese on top!

-lasagna

-Bake rice/pasta!

Oh man I'm so excited manzxc!

Though I love cooking/baking it's always the washing part which I

hate the most! All the oil/stains are so hard to remove!

But nehmind, I have my dearest mum around to help :x

Lee Hongki! ♥

2012-01-14T12:07:00.001+08:00

Meh why is he so cuteeeee?

HeartFelt

2012-01-13T16:16:00.002+08:00

I really really wanna tell a bro-in-christ about this!

But I dont have the courage to tell him at all so imma just

share it over here and hope that he will see it!

FAMILY!

[MOTHERS]

(my point of view)

Alot of times when we are young we take our

mothers for granted. Like how they make meals for us,

make our bed, wash our clothes and so much more!

We think nothing of it and think it is only right that they

should do everything for us! But as time goes pass when we

grow older, our mothers would start to ask us to do our own chores

and we would be like nah, you do it cos we've always took them

for granted and think its their responsibilities.

But even though we have this selfish thinking, they wouldnt care/mind

cos we are their precious ones. In primary school everything our mothers

said was right and we would listen to them, and we were the little angels in

their eyes. Even when the teachers say something bad about our behavior

they would doubt the teacher's word! But when we go to secondary school/collage

we tend to mix with the wrong company and learn bad. And start to be rebellious.

We thought we were on the top of the world with the friends we made.

We would make excuses or make up lies to stay out late with our friends,

and thought that our mothers dont know about it!

And as time go by we get bolder and didnt even tell them about staying out late

and made them worried sick! At times when they call us to check where we were

but we would just ignore the calls and just have a good time with our friends.

Yes have fun with our friends while at the other side our mothers are worried sick

not knowing where we were and if something was wrong or even got into any accident.

They couldnt take it anymore and decided to question us,but we just thought that

they wanna butt into our life or worse think they are a nuisance always

wanting to know what we're doing/where we're going.

Things were not settled cos we just 敷衍them when questions were asked,

our answer didnt ease their worries and they got angry.

At first they were nice, asking us nicely. But as time go by they got tired

and think that maybe scolding might help so they scold us whenever we

didnt meet up to their expectation or worse beat us up.

Then we get irritated by their action, some talk things out with our mothers

and things got better. But some they just get irritated and decided to ignore

and just escape this by not seeing them.

We thought our mothers changed, but look! What changed them?

It's us that changed them! What we did changed them into what they are today!

No dont push the blame to others, admit it! We were the one who changed them to

what they are today! From the oh-so-loving and caring mother to the oh-so-naggy

mother they are today! At the end of the day when your so-called friends leave you,

when sickness comes knocking at your door and when you are in need they would be

the last one leaving your side! They are the one who's gonna stand by you till the end!

Do you really think they wanna be the naggy and annoying mother?

Think about how much you hurt their hearts when they know you mix with bad

company outside, or how it hurts knowing that you are hiding things from her?

Our mothers, they are the ones who carry us in her tummy around for 10 months!
How much pain she had to go through to bring us to this world?

So stop hurting her and start loving her!

Bro, I just hope that you can talk things out with your mother.

I know its hard to communicate with her, trust me! I know!

Cos I've been through it! I was way more rebellious then you are now!

I've learnt my lesson! Through the hard way I would say, and I dont want you

to go through what I had! You might say I dont know whats really going on.

I admit I dont know, but what I know I tell you. Your mum love you alot alot!

It just pains her so much when you talkback, scold her or even ignore her!

At the end of the day you will be surprised how much your mum love you!

2012-01-13T16:03:00.002+08:00

Meh, finally can stay at home for long.

Thinking of going out but cant >:

Mum says unless my blood count is ok next week

she might let me go out for awhile.

Rotting at home everyday with the korean drama(s).

Totally looking forward for CNY!

nomnomnom all the good food grandma's gonna cook!

Cant wait manzxc!

Oh and for 2012 there are a few things I wanna do!

So imma list them here!

-get well

-work and earn moolah!

-go bkk & taiwan!

-get a new sofa for the family!

-and most importantly eat healthily!

2011-12-10T11:31:00.002+08:00

Finally i'm back at home already.

There's so much things i wanna do, but sadly i cant >:

like there's so many movie that i wanna watch!

-you are the apple of my eye

-puss in boots

-breaking dawn

-一炮而红

and in Jan, Jam Hsiao's coming to SG !

SOOOOOOO SAD I CANNOT GO! >:

and so many food that I wanna eat!

Can i like sneak out for a movie marathon? :x

I really wanna watch you are the apple of my eye badly!

But it's ok, health is most important now!

and i will be strong!

FIGHTING!

2011-11-13T13:09:00.002+08:00

bad bad news on 11.11.11!

but i will be a strong girl, He will heal me!

having my family&friends around!

i'm not fighting this alone! and im not afraid!

will update more when treatment starts!

2011-10-20T20:32:00.003+08:00

am just discharged from the hospital!

so so so so so happy that i can be out of the hospital!

it was super boring in there as i didnt even bring my phone

and lappy there to use! it was plainly just bored to the core!

thank god that everything is fine now!

just have to go back to KKH for some check up

during next month, hope everything goes well!

2011-10-10T10:30:00.002+08:00

currently at the down side of life..

falling real sick again after bkk,

damn i just cannot take anymore of this anymore!

and now i look like shitttt!

just wanna start having a good life again!

am soooooooo tired of this shit now! someone please save me!

2011-09-17T14:05:00.002+08:00

hiakhiak! 3 more days!

going out with rachel,dylan & kenny later to change

money and last minute shopping!!!!

shit im craving for steamboat nowwwwww!

2011-09-15T18:57:00.007+08:00

dad trying to get a better view :x

weeks back @ MBS's sky garden when grandma visited sg!

it was such a waste that it started raining not long after we

reached there, but nevertheless we got to take quite a

load of photos there!

would like to spend a night at the hotel there, and guess what?

poppy say he might treat us to USS and 2d1n's stay @ resort world!

better then nothing right? HAHAHA!

hoping that we can always be happy like how we used to be!

though poppy's business's not that good now, but

im sure as time goes by it will get better and better!

i really need to learn to save money and help out with the

expenses in the house!

wouldnt want to add on to be poppy's burden!

2011-09-15T16:13:00.002+08:00

everyday im count down-ing!!!

5 more days! hiakhiak!

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

in every r/s its always never fair.

and once your heart's change, there's no need to

say anything elses.

there's only one thing to do, which is leave!

you text me again last night, but upon receiving your

sms i straight away delete that msg!

cos i dont wanna have anything to do with you anymore.

you were the one who's being unreasonable and

make my love for you die.

so dont expect me to turn back and hold your hands!

hurtful, but true!

2011-09-14T19:30:00.005+08:00

got the urge to rant again! *screams*

i really hate it when people come and 敷衍 me!

if you didnt intended in the very first place,

just act like it didnt happened alright?

if you are afraid that i would misunderstand or what

you could just explain to me, or tell me straight!

cos i hate finding things out from other people's mouths

or stumble upon traces of what you did!

sorry im not someone who can keep things to myself

cos by keeping it inside i will be very upset so i need to

rant it to someone or at some places!

like i said, if next time i wasnt in the plan in the first place

dont have to force yourself to ask me along or

last minute jio me or whatever! it will only make

bring hurt to both parties at the end of the day!

you : being hurt by how i feel, by the words that comes out

from me and also giving you attitude.

me : feeling unimportant and be upset for the rest of the week!

JAM HSIAO! melts

2011-09-14T14:04:00.002+08:00

oh man, 6 more days to bkk!!!!!!!!!

i think i need a haircut badly!

my hair is totally out of shape now *argh*

oh and i find Jam Hsiao seriously damn hot too!

he also have a very unique voice!

him singing cover(s), totally different feel from the original ones!

he's also superrrrrrrrr cuteeeeee !

listening to his song's like as though his voice

is piercing through my heart!

love him loads!

台灣的黑蜘蛛~

in case you are wondering what that means,

he entered a taiwan singing compy and got this title

cos he was the strongest PK contestant in the compy!

blowing all the other contestant off their feets xD

倪安東 hothothot!

2011-09-13T22:07:00.002+08:00

is he hot or what?!?!?!?!

2011-09-13T19:57:00.000+08:00

There's a load of people i've been missing and wanting to meet!

but due to shortage of time and being ill,

i didnt see them for like a long time already!

those people include people in the photos above and also not forgeting

the ah hais, my cousies and some my dearest laogong! *sigh*

i really need to sort out my time nicely so i will get to be updated about their

lives and know what their up to now!

OH MAN!!!! 7 MORE DAYSSSS~

CANNOT WAIT LIKE SERIOUSLY!!!!!

2011-09-12T09:34:00.000+08:00

8 more days!!!!

likea cannot wait already you know ?!?!?!

i lost weight again due to being sick, its really great how i

lose weight everytime i get sick :x

2011-09-02T21:22:00.000+08:00

18 more days!!!!! hohoho!
cant wait uhhhhh!

this few day likea never go out keep slpslpslp!

thats all recently !

2011-08-24T16:01:00.001+08:00

27 days more to go!!!!

ohmigosh! my stomach likea still not working well >:

damnit manzxc! better not be like this @ BKK!

if not really can go and ball the wall already!

going to book hotel with ♥'s now!!!!!

2011-08-23T14:25:00.000+08:00

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky

like shooting stars

i could really use a wish right now, a wish right now!

28 more days bitches! cant wait you know?

alright, needa go meet ♥'s now!

she's staying over tonight, hiakhiak!

oh meh~ im feeling sosososososo sleepy now!

2011-08-22T15:16:00.000+08:00

woohooooozxczxczxc~ 29 more days to go!!!!

hehehehe! *grinning from ear to ear*

going work soon @ marche.

'♥'s cant make it today, as she's sick!

rest well girl, make sure you dont ditch me to

work alone again tml! hiakhiak, just joking!

today's trip to school's total waste of time!

im not even starting my IA on phrase one, why did

they even asked us to go back today?

and that stupid tweety bird(mr lim) !

i seriously think there's something wrong with his

character, everyone must only speak after he finish his

speech. while we were asking him question he couldn't let

us finish what we wanna ask then assume we are asking

stupid questions! how nice dude! cant we have some mutual

respect here? likea seriously f you in your face!

kk, shall prepare for work now! bye peeps!

2011-08-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

woohoo! likea somebodeh~ 30 more days!

likea count-downing everyday! :x

this few days, im having weak stomach >:

keep wanting to vomit and cannot eat like normal.

keep eat le wanna vomit! >:

*sigh* missed all the good food!!!!!

weeeee ~ tml working with the sampats tml!

likea cannot wait, uh uh siolzxc!

oh before that have to go to school for IA meeting ><

then have to go for interview after that , meaning i

have to bring everything out right ? *faints*

hectic day tml!!!! like seriously, should go and sleep now!

night peoplezxc~

2011-08-20T14:44:00.000+08:00

oh please! his voice's so hwat!

EXCITED!!!!!!

counting down 31 days to BKK!

kinda cannot maintain already!

*scream and run arounds*

worked @ marche with ♥'s,zixiang & ivan yesterday!

it was the doggiest job i had ever had!

they literally treated us like dogs *from my point of view*

but overall it was abit fun la, but tiring!

hoping that when we go back on monday&tuesday it wont

be as hectic as it was yesterday!

monday&tuesday gonna work with cass and♥'s! cant wait!

its gonna be a sampat work day with them both around!

yesterday ♥'stold me something and i was struck by her words!

and it got me pondering... but i guess it isnt a time to be bothered

by this kind of problem for the time being!

就顺其自然吧~

2011-08-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

32 days moreeeee ~

excited or what? hahahaha! literally cannot wait!

hopefully I can save up to 500!!!

but from what I see likea at most got 450 only >:

howhowhowhowhow?!?!!??! must chiong more work already!

likea seriously! if not go there likea see things I like also cannot buy!

*sigh* so much to buy so little money >:

working @ marche tonight!!! *excited*

working with ♥'s and this two guys from tcc !

cant wait manzxc! first time working till midnight wor!

hopefully my back wont give me anymore trouble tonight!

if not it would be very troublesome to work with a backache!

workworkwork!

2011-08-17T19:54:00.000+08:00

went for work training w ♥'s earlier on, it was kinda fun but tiring at the same time!

got to make some new friends, awesome people! cant wait to get started!

ask me for part time lobang kkz? only for my readers *winkwink*!

needa chiong work for bkk naoz! counting down 34 more days! *gulp*

hoping to earn at least 500 from friday till 5th sept!!!

confessions ~

2011-08-16T13:32:00.000+08:00

woohooo~ 35 days more to BKK !

can't wait!!!!

recently I realized something! never never never

believe friends who claim that they are your good friends.

cuz real friends don't use their words to convince you that

their your real friends, they use their actions (:

and I really regretted to share things with this so called 'friends'!

nevermind, just treat that I spent those money to see their 真面目!

and lastly, to 'him'

i'm sorry I can't give you any last chance anymore.

cuz I've seen you through (:

all your bullshit about treating me right, make me believe that

you would change this time, never gonna pua stunt(s) again,

asking me to believe everyword you said & telling me your

feelings for me was utmost true ~ hahaha!

sorry to tell you that, actually I wasn't even convinced with

your sweet talks in the beginning! cuz I know a leopard would

never change its spots! just like how you would never keep the

promises you made with me! you told me to give you one last

chance, but to me you already blew your very very last chance off

the moment you lied to me about not being to meet me the last time.

漫长的等待

2011-08-12T11:27:00.000+08:00

Counting down 45 days to BKK ! :DDD

2011-08-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

How true?!?!

Just like what happened yesterday, my teacher asked me

how come I fall sick so easily!

I felt like seriously slap him in his face manzxc!

I felt hurt and had this anger in me!

I had so much thoughts about getting back at his question

at that point of time but i chose to just laugh it off~

Thinking back I was stupid to do that, it was a nice time

to tell him how I personally felt about him getting about

things and tell him I hate it when he jump into conclusion just

by judging things which he sees on the surface!

Maybe God you should let him have a taste of what I've been

through and let him see if he will be like me!

Disgusted at his actions and the words that comes out of his

mouth like seriously !

Ikr, my blog's very wordy. But I just love to type! (:

COUNTING DOWN 46 DAYS TO BKK with ♥'s and theothers !

CANT WAIT!

爱上你！

2011-08-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

This is how I feel when I receive your text msges!

I smile to myself like a sillygirl when I think about you,!

You are all I think of all day, I wonder do you sneeze

when I think of you since they say when someone

misses you, you will sneeze ! :D

Meeting up with ♥'s again tml!

Going people's park > maybe ps > swimming!

Cant wait manzxc, long since I have a swim!

And I cant wait to go BKK with ♥'s and the rest manzxc!

SHOPPING!!!!! WOOHOO !

期待-ing

2011-08-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Basically, I think I spent my whole day today like this.

Waiting 'patiently' for your reply!

But I guess I wont receive any text from you today!

Did I made it too obvious? Did I screwed everything up?

*sighs* I wished I didnt!

Alright, enough with the rantings!

Meeting ♥' tml for popeye's and pizza's! ♥

hohoho, cant wait manzxc !

有一天你会发现，真正爱你的，能陪你的...

一直都在你身边！

When hopes are frail~

2011-08-01T19:25:00.000+08:00

How nice would it be if we can always stay young and cheerful ?

There wasn't any troubles, heartbreaks, shortage of money..

And many other issues!

Mr T, somehow I wish that someday you would stumble upon

my blog and see what I blogged about you..

Hais..

Cared & Cherished

2011-07-31T22:20:00.000+08:00

我不在乎什么天长地久
我只在乎你想不想要拥有
一颗真心和温暖的手
在身后陪你微笑或泪流
我不在乎你下次回来待多久
我只在乎这心动前所未有

我不会走 Coz I Love You So
想给你最好的我就算只是朋友

I really wish that you know how I feel right now!

*sigh* But I know we are only meant to be friends!

Many might think that we are fated to be together,

but deep down inside I know we both are not meant to be!

And at the same time, both of us are just too used to this

kind of closeness that we have now.

None of us wanna do anything or say anything about it.

I don't know your reason for not saying, but personally

I'm scare that if I confess my feelings to you it will affect

this lovely friendship that we have and after that we might

not even be able to stay as friends anymore..

好想问自己！

为了谁你不自由？

Delicated to ♥'s!!!

2011-07-25T12:39:00.000+08:00

Been hanging out with ♥'s recently!

Mood's getting better ever since I get to know this girl!

Always encouraging me to press on whenever Im feeling low!

Really feeling good with her around!

Getting to gossip about our ♥boyfriends and ranting about

how bad/good our day was! And sharing about thing we couldnt

share with other people :DDD

So just wanna tell you, I love you girlfriend ♥!

Lets keep it like this for as long as possible alright ♥!

2011-07-04T20:22:00.000+08:00

Never thought that I would say this about you !

But I really had enough!

The unreasonable, materialistic, loud, talkative and always

so self-centred & show off !

I really had enough of it all, I really regretted not heeding advice

that the rest gave me. Despite them saying about how you

are I went against all odds and be with you, yet now I'm now

standing here regretting for letting you in and even rely on you!

As a friend or whatever you call it, you dont even stand in my

shoes and think for me. Is that even counted as friends?

Maybe to you, you dont care about your family..

But I'm sorry, i look upon the relationship I have with my family

and I love my parents so I dont wanna see them suffer!

Though I might bad mouth about them at times but I still love them

and wanna do a part for the family. Be it contributing money

or being there for them. Did you ever thought you also did yourself

because of your family you pangseh me ? I didnt said anything about

it cos I know family should come first. So if because of this issue you wanna

make it like as if it's such a big fucking issue then be it !

Cos at the end of the day I'm not the one who lose out not me ! <:

Holiday mood?

2011-06-02T21:39:00.000+08:00

好闷啊!

In a blink of eye, its June again!

It's holiday season again, I should be feeling happy

but no deep inside me I feel this loneliness and

this 不安's feeling have been haunting me recently!

I have this feeling that something bad's gonna happen.

Though I cant tell what but it's really bothering me much!

For now I just wanna earn as much money as possible.

可能是最近太不知足了,老是想用赚钱来满足自己!

有一种空空的感觉!

Recently I keep using spending money to 发泄!

I know it's not right but I just cant stop myself >:

I really don't know what to do >:

I should be the one walking with you !

2011-05-31T18:24:00.000+08:00

That should be me ~

Everybody's laughing in my mind,
Rumors spreading 'bout this other girl,
Do you do what you did when you
did with me?
Does she love you the way I can?
Did you forget all the plans
that you made with me?
'cause baby I didn't!

That should be me,
Holdin' your hand,
That should be me
Makin' you laugh,
That should be me,
This is so sad,
That should be me,
That should be me,
That should be me,
Feelin' your kiss,
That should be me,
Buyin' you gifts,
This is so wrong,
I can't go on,
Till you believe that,
That should be me

Boy, cant you see the pain living in my eyes?

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling ,

I would hug you tight and say I would never let you go !

But now she caught your eyes and nothing matters more then

her anymore, so I could only stand by far and look over at you.

I just hope that she would not hurt you like how I did~

And she would be the right one for you ~

2011-05-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

Decided to add on another post for my blog again!

Recently I've been working like a DOG with darling!

Ever since I haven't been getting enough sleep >:

*pouttttts* But am kinda glad that in fact after working

like a DOG I finally learn that money comes by hard and

how hard my parents work just to raise us up!

Also, I'm happy that I have a group of friends whom I can

joke and work at the same time at GONGCHA ! <:

Though I'm single now, but I'm really enjoying it!

The freedom I have from being single!!!!

Some things ain't going that smooth, but it's nothing big.

So I'm just gonna throw it at the back of my head and

move on! Like I said in facebook since you guys left me out

so I will just count myself out of the group.

No hard feelings, but you guys gimme the feeling that

I'm only needed when you need a favor from me!

You know what? I'm gonna just ignore it when you

guys come finding me telling me you need this,

you need that ! <:

Life goes on, with or without you guys !

I don't live for you bitches!

I don't live to please others or owe you guys a living (:

2011-04-09T11:53:00.001+08:00

Wonders who still comes and visit this blog of mine.
But who cares, not doing this to please anyone (:

Im currently working at GongCha, and it's killing me.
I'm seriously facing lack of sleep and the pay is freaking low!
But two things I like most, it's near home and the people there
are super fun to work with ! I mean not all but most of them !
Well nothing much recently, had been working my ass off.
Oh ya, went to GenSheng's chalet last thursday.
It wasn't a very successful one, but I did quite enjoy myself there.

Haven't been going to church recently, but I tell myself I will go tml
for service ! But everytime when I tell that to myself I find it so hard to
wake up every Sundays morning since I started work ! :B
Guess I have to set like many many many alarm to stop me from sleeping !

There's this change in me now, and it's freaking me out !
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much ?
Oh ya , I shall wait and see !

2011-03-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

To think of what happened today morning just

pain my heart to the very max.

WHY ? I really just don't get it !

Why does my mum cant just talk nicely to me ?

I was practically nicely asking her something yet she

have to blame me for things not regarding the questions

I've asked her. And she had to yell at me when she knows

I hate it when she does it!

Though I ended up screaming at her and her crying,

doesn't she knows how much I love her ?

Maybe she doesn't know that I love her very much and

what she does pains me deeply.

Yet at the same time this anger burns in my heart so deeply.

Telling me to hurt her physically!

We're practically quarrelling over the most minor things everday.

And I'm seriously fucking sick of it!

Maybe she cannot sees it but I'm fucking yes FUCKING sick of

giving in to her, and shouting back at her.

Shouting and talking back to her became part of my everyday life now.

The way she talks is just so xialan and when people tells her about it

she just give you the do-you-think-I-care look !

The way she give you the I'm always right look is so disgusting.

Looking at her proud face...

And the way she thinks that she's right in everyway is just so fucking making

me wanna bang her head at a wall full of nails !

The way she is torturing me now, I cant take it anymore !

She's mind fucking me now and then, and my brain is responding by

giving me all the thoughts of how to torture her back physically.

I know I sound like some sicko here but that's all the thoughts I have and

not being to share with anyone verbally.

I decided to share it here cos I know not many will stumble upon this blog

and even if anyone did,I pray to God it's someone whom feel for me and

am able to talk to me about this issue.

I'm really on the verge of getting bonkers having to entertain

all the mind fucking, I just hope that one day my mum can let me

have my own space and that I can let my brain think right for at least

a minute or so! It's so bad now the moment she speak at home

I practically feel like walking over and doing something

nasty to her ! It's just so bad !

Aint memories frail ?

2011-03-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

Listening to this song...

Every memories just gushes up to my brain~

I had a dream once,long ago when we both were happily together.

In that dream you turn,showed me your back and

walked away leaving me behind all alone.

I guessed in the first place it's meant to be.

Yet when all hopes was gone, I had so many dreams

that showed me you would come back but you didn't.

Though it was hurting, but I wanna thank you for making

me learn how to mend my heartache. For making me learn

how not to be unreasonable to my loved ones.

Though you left, but you gave me 4 good buddies!

But nevertheless, now I've found someone who loves and cares for me

because of you (:

So I'm going to be brave and move on.

I cant say that I will forget/erase every memories of you

cos I would be lying to say that and everyone knows it's impossible.

But I'm gonna be brave and accept the fact that it's gonna haunt

me whenever I see/hear things about you.

Thank God, for everything that happened.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow

is a mystery, but today is a gift

that is why it's called the present."

On second thoughts

2011-02-25T16:40:00.001+08:00

-Edited-

Sometimes there's so much to say,

but yet again sometimes things are better left unsaid right?

I just hope that baby our love is strong enough (:

Stress seems to be catching up with me now.

It's sort of eating me up and my emotion's been

affected with the exams that are coming up!

This is exactly how I'm feeling now!

Hell yeah!

再靠近一点点！

2011-02-23T21:53:00.001+08:00

One, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, boy it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me

I don't know what to blog, life's very hectic recently !

With exam's approaching, I'm lacking of time and practice !

I really needa buck up on my hair perm-ing skills !

And guess what I'm really sad that recently one of my 'di'

asked me to stop contacting him, though I don't things to turn out

like this, but I didn't even bothered to say I don't want or whatever.

Maybe I shouldn't asked him to be my di in the first place,

but suan le bah. Shall just let him be ):

And now everyday I go to school with this bitch of mine ! (:

This photo was taken when we went to attend some 'hairshow' at suntec.

He's always so entertaining :D

I love to bully her, cos his reaction will be super funny !

Yeah, so I love this bitch of mine ! ♥♥♥

But one thing about him is....
HE'S A PIGGGGG I HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM EVERYDAY!!!!!

Thanks Bitch! For being there for me everytime ♥

QinAiDe♥

2011-02-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm just gonna get used to not having this girl of mine to :

- Go school with me everyday

- Joke around with me

- Laugh when we see someone funny

- Scold me to my sense when I'm being stupid

- Share things with me

- 斗嘴with me

This girl even volunteer to be my model for the modules that I'm taking

now even though she can dont want to despite having to work.

I just know how much I'm gonna miss her but I have to get over it and

move on with life, there's nothing we can do about it anymore.

Just wanna let you know I will miss you! ♥♥♥

Bleeding heart

2011-02-16T10:54:00.000+08:00

Though sometimes I act like it's alright,

act like it don't bother me a single bit ..

But afterall I'm a human being, 有血有肉的人!

I'm not a superman though I love him to pieces.

I wonder why I'm giving all in this time,

after so much had happened in the past I guess nothing much changed.

我还是我. Only this time the people involved changed.

I shall not settle it like how I did 2 years back cos if I did

everything will crumble into pieces.

This few days nua-ed at home watch anime LOL.

Nothing much happened too. (:

Shall end my rantings here!

Miss 'NICE'

2011-02-09T21:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's post was about Mr NICE.

Today's post will be about Miss NICE ! (:

How nice of our course ________ (shall not mention who)

to tell us that when we have problems we can go and find her

and voice out the problems that we faced in school !

So one fine day named TODAY, our dear Joleen pluck up her

courage and told Miss NICE what happened in class

and guess what? After hearing what Joleen have to say

sadly Miss NICE told her that she couldn't help her 100%.

How sad is that right ?

And guess what she told her after that, she told Joleen

to reconsider about dropping out cos she cannot afford to lose

students from.

HELLO LIKE WE GIVE A DAMN WEATHER OR NOT YOU CAN AFFORD

OR NOT TO LOSE ANOTHER STUDENT!

It's not our problem right ? HAHAHA!

And guess what Miss NICE replied Joleen upon hearing Mr NICE

had been constantly touching girls when talking to us in class .

Her reply was the most atrocious thing I had ever heard before !

Her reply was that 'maybe Mr NICE is used to touch people when he talk'!

HAHAHAHA, so Miss NICE do you mean like hey it's ok that my dad wants to

meet you for a talk and he have a habit of touching people so it's ok

when he talks and start to touch you while he's talking to you ?

Did you even put yourself into our shoes? LOL

I really wonder why are you our ________ when you cannot even

control your staffs well when such things happens all you can do is

say alright I'll talk to him -.- How nice is that ?

And Miss NICE, you really lost my respect for you (:

You're sucha loser ! (:

Shit you!

2011-02-08T18:12:00.000+08:00

Imma here to rant about my 'SUPER' nice teacher again !

Firstly, how nice of you to invite my mum to see how you teach

us for HCT in school !! Hello my mum's not even stupid or one day old!

Obviously when she's there you will teach properly LIKE DUH!?!?!

I dont mind you calling my mum and say I didn't attend school cos

I admit it's my fault for not going school. But how about you?

Don't you have balls to be honest and own up about what you did

when my mum asked if you did ignore me when I asked you something

in class about relevant things of your lesson ?

HAHAHA , it's sucha big joke to me hearing what your reply to my mum was!

Asking her to see how you teach ~

Secondly, do you think that me as your student will ever want to tell you

any of my problems that I'm facing when you don't even f-ing give a damn ?

Whenever Joleen and me tell you our problem how did you even reply us ?

"It's not my problem!" Hell yeah that was your reply .

And now you still expect us to tell you anything ?

No thanks man!

Did you ever notice there's the reason why we never ever wanna attend

your CARE lesson ? Cos you say you CARE but deep down inside we know you

don't CARE at all ! (: Even during CARE lesson you only want us to listen

what you wanna and don't CARE what we feel ! (:

Lastly, you touch zharbor touch until sieh song hor?

You dare touch me one more time that's it !

People got limit de ok ? You think we are born for you to touch ?

Talk to girls jiu touch touch , talk to boys ? Never even touch !

Si tico ~

You just watch out (:

ILoveMyBoy!

2011-01-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

Baby,notice how times flies!?!?!

2 amazing months had past!

Standing where I'm now, looking back at where we began..

I could only say, it wasnt easy and my love for you gain uncontrollably everyday!

Just wanna let you know how much you mean in my life! (L)

Happy two month, this lovely pig of mine!

幸福是要争取的！

2011-01-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning!

Baby, Iloveyou!

LittleBoy'sBirthday

2011-01-23T18:47:00.000+08:00

Celebrated Alson's birthday ytd at some steamboat place.

Dont you agree that he looks just like some xiaoboyboy ? HAHAHA!

Should had took some group photos but I guessed everyone's too busy

eating and totally forgot about it hahahaa! Next time we will have one!

2011-01-08T22:01:00.000+08:00

The loves of my life! Always being there when I need someone!

Though there's up and downs in between, but with His love

we learn to 包容，接纳 each others!

姐妹们，iloveyou la! Muacks!

(:

2010-12-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

A whole new page

2010-12-21T12:56:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder what's the point of speaking

how I really feel when people are never really wanting to

hear the facts, only wanting to hear what's pleasing ears.

Guess the whole time they won't listening to me, just having

me speak up for the sake of 'being fair'.

Throughout the whole time, having the yaya ikr kind of thinking!

*Sighs* What's worse? Guess nothing worse then having to face

those faggots for any one year plus, and having to say ALONE ! ):

I'm so gonna miss those fun times being with Laogong in school.

Starting from today she's gonna work at Supercut..

Guess from next year I've learn to be strong and be independent!

And getting a hell load of stress from home too.

Can't she just talk nicely?

Like hello, I'm not born for you to yell at!

Everytime talk to so laolan!!!!!

Everymorning kpkb, it's getting on my every single nerves!

Just don't understand why!

2010-12-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Why some joker just can't grow up ?

Always talking big behind people and go and gan people

when she know that person is weaker then her!

Tsk, like seriously leh. I wonder if she dare to come and

do such stuffs to me not? Still wanna act like she very pretty

every guys sure go googoogaga over her ! HAHAHAHA!

Dont make me laugh big time joker!

Don't ever come and step on my tail or my friend's.

Cos we'll make sure we will have a good time with you! (:

Anything want beat me/my friends don't gossip behind only!

And want scold people's mother scold infront only, don't be a

tortoise hide behind scold only when people confront give lanpa

excuses!

))): So sorry leh wronged you , my arse!

In your face!

2010-12-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

Yeah what ifs~

That's the way I like it

2010-12-08T14:19:00.001+08:00

Just stop trying, stop asking and stop thinking!

I'm going to stay where I am.

So stop pushing/forcing me anymore!

I cant say I know exactly what I'm doing now,

But I can say that I will be happier this way!

I will appreciate it if those _____ would just stop barging into

my life and acting like they know what's best for me.

Whenever I see your face you make me wanna puke!

Everytime you go, Oh I understand how you feel.

I've totally been in your shoes before.

It's been one year you still have one more year to go.

Dont be stupid and waste your time, say all these shit infront

when there's someone else around~

When noone's around what did you said ?

Hey Ziting, are you sure you still wanna study?

Cos to me you seems practically not interested anymore, how bout

quitting and getting a job outside. HAHAHAHA!

And now when we tell you we wanna quit you peng another story ?

Saying to us oh I dont think you girls lost interest in the course

you are just being lazy and not trying hard enough!

You are not trying hard enough therefore you are not learning anything

so you feel that the course's boring~

What a good actor you are!!!!!

I really feel that you are very very scary!

Sorry sir, you don't know how I feel.

Firstly, stop por-ing my parents or the SH!

Secondly, you cant be been in my shoes before cos for all

we know you didn't have had cancer before and having to retain for a year

in your secondary sch years !

Stop calling up our parents and telling actually your kids are fine,nice girls.

Giving them the ear candies and slowly mindfucking them!

I bet there's too many dropoutters therefore fearing of being questioned

by the MOE people, you goes around mindfucking people to stay!

Always asking the class if we have any problems with you ,

and when we voice out our problems you set walls around you

shielding away all the arrows that we fired at you

and saying I did all these for all of your welfares !

What a great joker you are like seriously!

We showed respect for you but you? Did you ever showed us?

When I wanted to ask you something before hearing it out you just

shun me away and saying my question is just stupid.

When we didn't know how to cut one of the version you will just question us

why didn't we paid attention in your theory lesson.
LIKE HELLO , LIKE YOU SAID IT'S THEORY LESSON,

IT'S FOR GOD'S SAKE PARTICAL NOW! 0.0

After asking you for a few times I practically gave up hope on

asking you, therefore that explain the lost of interest!

Always getting scolded for things I never did.

Like that time say I scold fuck in your class when I never did!

Sir, you have did a really good job for the past few months of

my ite life! Keep it up! I hope you will get some award for the

niceness/kindness/for our welfares that you had shown! (:

Seriously, I will never forget the kindness you had shown to me! (:

Fuck you in the face !

Sometimes I just wonder ~

2010-11-29T23:06:00.000+08:00

So many ifs and what ifs flashing across my mind now ~

Sometimes I just wished that I can read you mind ! ):

2010-11-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

Is he hot or what ? ;shy

Hopefully when we go indonesia he'll be there too !!!

Hohoho, He's sooooooooo shuai ~ Mehhhh~

After watching Autumn's Concerto I'm totally in love with him HAHAHA!

Ok pray more that he will be there when we go :x

2010-11-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

Look at the two jokers on the left ! HAHAHAHA!

This was taken quite some time ago, when these 3 decided

that they were bored and wanna take over my comp! HAHAHA!

We ended up taking silly photos using the webcam !

Somehow I missed those times, where the four of us go out and

have fun together. It's coming to the end of another year again .

So much things happened, but thank God it's all over now~

Trying to upload laogong's and me de photos !

But I don't know what's wrong with my phone, Damn!

Next post next post upload :DDD

爱就要说出口吗?

2010-11-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

I can feel it all coming to an end.

It's a feeling I feel in my heart so strong, oh boy.

But I cant tell you how I feel cos it'll blow it all~

So I'm letting it sink in my heart~

Oh oh oh ~

So many days, so many hours ~

I'm still waiting for you to see how much I really loveyou!

爱就要说出口吗?

It seems like to them it's best to let him know.

But oh my~ I don't know what to do ><

I guess I will just leave it as it is (:

2010-11-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

Spent my time with family recently.

Went to Sakura for dinner just now, finally realised that

this love I get from them cant possibly be found from any other place!

People do change when they get to know new people, or found new love.

This time I'm just gonna silently stay by your side, like I said

I will be there for you when you need me. I know your heart's not with me

anymore but I still care and love you darlingly! No matter what you do!

You are still what I think about and miss! I hope he will be trueful to you ,

and never break your heart! Sist , I love you! There're so much I wanna say

yet I cant say them to you! I just wish you all the best ! (:

And for ___ , I dont have much to say.

Things are still the same, only more people knowing it and teasing me.

But I guess it's only a matter of time before he realise it!

And as for outside friends, I dont have much to say.

Somehow I'm just gonna just follow the flow.

No expectation no disappointment (:

Thats all for today!

I know you know how

2010-10-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes people are just so fake (:

They can stab you like what you call a bitch behind your back ,

but yet when they see you they have this detestable smile on their face! (Y)

Like seriously, I dont give a damn bout what you think about me.

And if anyone was to come and talk to me about that 'issue' in a position that

you think I'm in the wrong then I will only tell you to GTFO (:

Don't think just because you heard storied from the other party

then you have the rights to come and judge me (:

Seriously if you wanna come talk to me about the issue I will ask you

in what position are you to say that (:

I know you know how,

to make me grin from ear to ear with your sms-es!

2010-10-19T19:18:00.000+08:00

I just realised how much I had changed since last year~

- How I no longer care how people thinks about me.

- How I deal with heart breaking moment(by not cursing and swearing)

- How I choose to turn and say no to jerks !

- How I get over with my so called 'good friends' bitching about me !

- Not to be angry when my so called 'good friends' went out without me !

- How to deal with emotion break down~

I'm surprise with how much I can do now !

I realised all these when I was talking to my mum today!

I seriously dont care what people whom I dont even care have to say about me now!

Now that I have Jesus ,my parents, teng teng laogong and ah hais with me I'm already contented ! (: ( not forgetting a few more but it will get long to mention)

For the rest I dont really have to care much ! (: I'll just leave all to God ! (:

2010-10-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

Leaving it all to God ! (: I'm sure I'll be happier this way!

知道这样不容易，但为了自己好就只能这样了！

This is the only photo I've kept of him..Why? Because seeing this photo it'll remind me he's gone and not coming back .Seeing it will remind me that no he aint no coming back (:

I cant have anyone in my heart now, all I will do is leave it all to God(:

2010-10-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

I realised how much I miss them!

I miss this girl , we used to text each other everyday.

I miss how we talk about everything, miss how we disturb each other!

I just wished everything could be like last time!

But I guess it cant be like what it was anymore.

I'm glad that they still involve me during their bbqs and chalets.

We used to meet up almost every weekends, hangout till latelate and joke like mad.

Guess I dont belong neither here or there now.

Which is good I guess?

I'm not sure if its good or not though.

Guess I'm just on the down of the rollar coaster ride currently (:

Will be fine after awhile (:

2010-09-27T16:21:00.001+08:00

Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a B in the class when you deserved an A. You give 110% to someone in a relationship when they only give 40%. You’re there for your best friend at 3 a.m. when they need it the most & the next day they don’t pick up their phone. You give something your all & sometimes get little to nothing back. You care so much about someone who doesn’t care enough about you to say hi once in a while. You give someone your time & they give you “sorry, I’m busy”. It seems like you’re giving everyone everything & they’re just walking away with it.

How true!

2010-09-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

Some photos taken last few weeks (:

Will update again soon! Ciaos! :DDD

2010-09-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

Realised I haven't blog for quite some time!

Oh wells, recently really damn busy with school and church stuffs!

Not enough sleep! Having panda eyes already! haha!

Shall post some photos on my next post!

2010-09-07T19:39:00.000+08:00

突然好想去海边看星星！

Gosh, its going to be Thursday soon and I have yet to find a model

for my hair cut exam! :B

What to do ahhhhh! Stressed ttm!

I've been trying my best to do my best lately!

I don't give a damn if no one sees/notices it!

Am not doing all these for anyone, it's for a better me!

2010-08-27T22:37:00.001+08:00

Sometimes my mind tells me to give them up!

But my heart says NO NEVER GIVE UP!

I wonders what will happen if I were to give them up?

Kinda sick and tired to always be there for them!

Sometimes it's so bad that I cry to sleep thinking about both of you! Oh god! Please help me to get this over!

I don't wanna lose them, but I'm human too!!!!

I do get tired and sore from all these!

Lord, I know everything will be alright as long as you are my guide!!!!!

每天要开开心心的!!!!!

2010-08-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

Rotted @ home today and watched videos about Jaeson ma!

Whole day was just nua-ing around and went to colletc my phone

and grandpa's house for dinner just now! (((:

Felt very motivated after watching Jaeson's 365 day of love's video.

He dressed up as a ninja and goes around spreading his LOVE for people around

by giving out candies and leaving a note inside.

Though in people's eyes it goes " Hey look at what that fool's doing over there "

But I'm sure it will brighten up someone's life, even if it is just 1 out of 100

it mean something! And also his testimony that he shared really motivate me!

Also listening to his song "Love". Listen of it give me alot of 感触！

The lyric goes like this

Verse 1
Now Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. But I'm a tell you what true love is. Love is not what you see in the movies. Its not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene, you know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, true love is sacrifice. Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself, love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another, whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister, its even laying down your life for your enemies, that's unthinkable, but think about that. Love is true. Think.
Chorus:
I'll put you in front of me
So everybody can see
My love, this is my love

I know that I'll be alright
As long as you are my guide
My love, this is my love
Verse 2
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres.
Love never fails. Love is everlasting, its eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time, love is the only thing that will last when you die, but ask the question why? Do you have love?

Verse 3
There is no greater love than this than he who lays down his life for his friends. Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother, your father, or your best friends, but are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you? I'm going to tell you who did that, the definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love. The nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sin my sins, that is LOVE he died for you and me while we still hated him, that is love. God is true love, and if you don't know this love, now is the time to know, perfect love.

So i'm gonna put Him infront of everything so that everyone can see that He is my love!

This is the love I want in my life not any other come & go Love .

When I focus on Him, I'm sure everything's gonna be alright!

He is my true Love! I hope all of my friends can find this Love too!

Ziting,
With Love!

2010-08-25T20:31:00.001+08:00

A few days back, Cousy and I went to cash studio for a singing session!

But ended up it is called a "you torture me, i torture you back"session!

Hiak hiak!

And yesterday went to eat Mushroom Pot @ Orchard Point with QQ & Huiling !

It was not bad but then the 麻辣 soup was suppa duppa spicy!

QQ left early so Huiling and I continued eating without QQ.

After we finished eating Huiling and I headed to Far East to get shoes

for her teachers' day dinner! Didn't know shopping can get so tiring! Haha!

After shopping I went to church for PM! (prayer meeting)

And had supper with church friends after PM!

Here are some photos that are taken yesterday.

I'm Never Gonna Turn back Towards You

keep em' good food coming!

Lee Hongki! ♥

HeartFelt

hurtful, but true!

JAM HSIAO! *melts*

台灣的黑蜘蛛~

倪安東 hothothot!

workworkwork!

confessions ~

漫长的等待

爱上你！

期待-ing

When hopes are frail~

Cared & Cherished

Delicated to ♥'s!!!

Holiday mood?

I should be the one walking with you !

Aint memories frail ?

On second thoughts

再靠近一点点！

QinAiDe♥

Bleeding heart

Miss 'NICE'

Shit you!

ILoveMyBoy!

幸福是要争取的！

LittleBoy'sBirthday

(:

A whole new page

Just don't understand why!

That's the way I like it

Sometimes I just wonder ~

爱就要说出口吗?

I know you know how

JAM HSIAO! melts